Drs. Poopstehn, Farts & Dingleberry

Excerpt from recent email to Shorty, which I’ve bogarted and am passing off (dastardly, but legal) as a new blog entry. DEAL.


I’m feeling more & more in line with my creative self between Improv class #2 and reading Keith Johnstone’s book. Know you have plenty on your plate, but if you get the chance to give that a one-two, I think you’ll dig it. The way that he looks at things like teaching & theater are pretty awesome. (For instance, why do people go to the theater? To see something happen that they would never willingly make happen themselves – to see routines broken, barriers broken down, expectations foiled, social norms upset. Why does that matter to artists? Because it means it does NOT fucking matter what you’re creating in the context of good and bad, because just by creating it you have fulfilled the purpose of an artist/actor. Just get in the circle and make a stupid pose and watch with fascination at the audience’s response.

Feeling LESS & LESS in line with the professional bent though. Really think I might go back to school for teaching/psych/acting. Business – I mean, I understand someone somewhere wouldn’t get ice cream if there weren’t 8,000 Dreyer’s people all around the US devoted to making it happen, but SO FAR REMOVED am I from impacting that result, I just don’t frikkin’ care. Do I care about disappointing my boss? Yes. What does he expect of me? Come to work, do the work, do some more work, ask some questions, learn the business. I can probably do all of those without caring, except the last one, because “the business” just doesn’t matter to me. Who the f cares what price is on ice cream in the Southeast and that it matters whether it went to a Warehouse or straight to the store? Just get the shit in a freezer, man! Not that I cared more about the stuff at J&J, though it was slightly easier to justify. I used the following sentence more than once: “my journal entry may not have saved lives… but… well… y’know.”

*sigh* So once again I’m in a place I can’t be in for very long. And I’ve said this to R, and she knows the feeling – we’re only 26 and we just DON’T have to have all this sh!t figured out yet. Soon, but not yet. What’s the worst that could happen? We spend ANOTHER year doing crap we don’t care about, and trying to spend as much fun time in the city as we can. She’s starting up her professional organizing business (very successful first outing, she’s way happy), and I’m doing Improv stuff to keep lively. Does it matter that we don’t like our 9-to-5s? No. Will it matter if mine turns into more of an 8-to-8? Yes. But I think I’ll be okay for a while.

I got a haircut today. Hair ALL OVER the back of my neck, back of my shirt (the red shirt, no less). @#$&ing Supercuts. B!tch didn’t even towel off my head; just let the clippings sit up there to get blown away by the next headwind. Don’t say headwind.

{sic} Going to an A’s game Fri. night, then ‘Rebel without a cause’ in Union Square on Sat. night. One month ’til the wedding. ONE MONTH.

Life is FINE. But if you put a graph of my moods over the last month, happy/grumpy on the y-axis, it would look like the teeth of a sprung bear-trap. Today is on the ascent from a recent trough. I’d bet that I was a lunar personality… except I have no fucking clue what that means.

That is all.

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Mistakes Get Made

Improv comedy, more than anything else in my life, is teaching me that it’s okay if you fail. It’s a woohoo kind of moment when you can throw your hands up in the air & let out the fact that you failed. Much like when a gymnast tumbles off the pommel horse, you’ve got to keep your composure, demonstrate that composure no matter how jacked up your leotard may have gotten, and move on to the next event. (Leotards are common to both sports. At least for me.)

Based on the new ideas and the new learning from improv, today was the first day at my new job when I honestly said to myself, “This may have been a mistake.” I can’t really say much more than that now, as I’m still HERE at work (note the timestamp), but I did need to post this. Two reasons this fell in the urgent/important first quadrant: a) it gets me BACK to this blog thing, finally; and b) it sets up a beautiful opportunity to use my blog to plan just how the hell I’m going to (eventually) get out of the business world. You, friends, get to help me.

More later – promise.

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Holy CRAP

You learned that if you got paid to blog consistently, you would get fired and owe Blogger money because you continue to SUCK at doing this without any external motivation.

You also learned that you CAN get paid to help other people out with their budget woes. You’re capitalizing on what you & R already do on your own to help yourselves, and you’re taking that around to other people that need your help. And you’re making money doing it. Way to leverage your resources.

AND you learned that families, by their very nature, messed up, but that each one is messed up in its own unique way, and none of them are necessarily any worse off than any other. This is not a new lesson – more of a re-learning – but something that it doesn’t hurt to write down and remember.

Without promising consistency, you hope you’ve learned that this takes 3 minutes a day and you should just frikkin’ do it. Stupid.

Posted in consulting, family | 1 Comment »

… Now You’ll Get It

You’re only this productive because you’re NOT WORKING. You may have made others feel less than adequate vis-a-vis your last post, and you have not explained as of yet that you are currently UNEMPLOYED (really you’re in between jobs with a nice two-week break, but UNEMPLOYED sounds so much tastier).

Your words have power. Context equals cushion, in some cases. Provide the friggin’ context before you go spouting off on your own accomplishments.

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Also Productive!

Already today you have:

1. scheduled the last dance lesson before the wedding.
2. called and confirmed that R’s wedding band & engagement ring are ready to be retrieved – and Bill says they look ‘wonderful.’
3. shopped for, customized & purchased gifts for your groomsmen.
4. scheduled with your new boss to have drinks some time next week so she can get to know you, and you can find out whether or not she gets that whole red-face thing that afflicts so many folks of Eastern descent.
5. blogged TWICE, even if the first was about how you can’t blog consistently, and the second one included a comment about the fact that you’ve already blogged twice today; you hope your not breaking some colloquial rule of the blogosphere.
6. used the word ‘blogosphere’ and then looked around to make sure no one you know saw it.
7. filed your IRS form to get your $41 refund back.
8. cleaned the kitchen up after making a mess at dinner last night.
9. emptied the dishwasher.
10. ran >2.5 miles with your future brother in law.
11. had breakfast with R & her father and brother.
12. took a nap. Wouldn’t others?

The kicker: It’s 11:05 IN THE A.M. as you post this. Well done.

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You Suck

You suck because you can’t keep up with anything that requires daily attention unless there’s some sort of external motivation. You told yourself for MONTHS that the next time you started blogging, you would do it DAILY, even if for twenty seconds. You fell down after, what, like 3 days? Seriously. You suck.

Woohoo!

Celebrate the failures.

Learn anything yet?

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Lesson #3

Jim Gray may be dead. He may not be dead; he may be in Margaritaville, consuming cheeseburgers in paradise on a daily basis. The story of his life, though, and the story of the search that his many, many friends & former colleagues undertook, are stories just waiting to be lyricized. There’s a Don McLean of the tech sector out there somewhere… let me know if you hear news about the ditty that’s sure to come.

You read about stuff like this only occasionally, and it makes you a little sad, and a little glad. Sad because, with all the technology the world has to offer (some of which was developed / fostered by Jim Gray’s work), people still find a way to get lost at sea. Glad because, with all the technology the world has to offer, people CAN still find a way to ‘get lost at sea’. There is a value in being able to get off the grid; you’re sure his wife would not agree in Jim’s case, but of all the people this has happened to, you would guess that Jim would see that value very readily.

Today’s your first day off as you’re in between jobs. Aside from blogging, you’re off the grid. And if no one’s reading, you may as well be cutting down trees in the forest. In either case, see the value in it.

If Jim Gray is out there, wish him well. Also wish him the wisdom to get in touch with his family, one way or another, to provide closure. Simultaneously dealing with the possibilities of his continued life or his months-old demise will be debilitating.

Read more at wired.com.

Posted in lost, off-grid, wired | 2 Comments »

Lesson #2

You learned that, for sure, Flight of the Conchords is one of the world’s Funniest. Shows. Ever. Anyone who can take the words “Mother_uckers _ucking with my shi_” and turn it into a 3-min. R&B slam is aces in my book.

You also learned that only octogenarians use the phrase “aces in my book.”

Learned anything yet?

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Lesson #1

You aren’t in college any more, and you can’t go out and drink 9 beers and 3 shots in 2 hours. Makes you wake up in a puddle of your own frothy drool. Then you lay on the couch and watch Rachel Ray try to cheer up the entire world with an EVOO-covered panini-salad-yummo-pasta-grill-seasoning parfait. Your fiancee takes even longer to get out of bed, and when you both have type-a personalities that lead to Weekend Task Lists, you get stressed when sh!t doesn’t get done… and then guess what? You need another drink. Learn anything yet?

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